Hampden KABLOOEY!

Working from home today, I just ignored the door buzzer while on the phone with a client. I moved to the porch. I notice a cop running through the back alley.

At the end of the porch I see the street blocked off by a policecar. A policeman tells me to come back inside and outfront. I clearly am panicked that some psycho-deranged crack addict is in my apartment and is going to strangle me with my stupid PC DSL cord while I am en route picking up my keys, and shoes, and wallet. In the hall, my upstairs neighbor is clammoring downstairs telling me not to go outside because theres a suspicious package. I didn't need to know anymore.

I'd been staring at this package from my bed for a week.

It never once occurred to me to place an anonymous call to the bomb squad (who incidentally has a huge tour bus). I tried to step off my porch to approach them and they wouldn't have it and came over. I explained that it had been there a while and before that one there were others. The owner of Cafe HOn also said that she had seen plenty of bags around- full of clothes. We explained this was a common occurence. Homeless people use it as a changing post for some reason. The bomb-squad guy seemed bewildered and embarrassed and said, "well, we got the call, and we were just responding, maam". Thanks for looking out, gov. It seems silly that anyone would want to bomb or anthrax sweet ol Hampden right?

The disturbing thing is how anyone else can see the bag but little old me?


KABLAM!

house of d

Going to Muvico tonight to see an advanced screening of House of D.

Last night we booked for this Music Midtown in Atlanta. Just because I wasn't poor enough and don't get enough Def Leopard. Trips help me with my life-changing decisions. So, thats how I have to keep justifying it.

Finally, the Pink Panther is in involved in the sciencelab to help us discover what we know about our musical memory. So its like an auditory gestalt principle. I could have told you that one, Einstein.

bovine revolt

Pikesville, MD 4/26/2005 -Baltimore Sun


I wouldn't be surprised if this is part of the MD State lottery campaign.


"I like this couch, a lot! Oh wait -- maybe I like this one better. No,
this one is the best. Forget it -- I hate all of them."
I read this article today about Lucky magazine. More reasons I need to get the hell out of advertising. Some old fart claimed to have founded the "magalog", stating "They have a kind of punk-rock quality of rebellion to them". um. nothing is punk rock about shoveling 5 pages of slingbacks into someones lap. Mainstream culture has such a love affair with punk-rock culture, I don't understand how people who genuinely have a punk rock state of mind can actually carry a very popularly defined punk rock image. what am I saying I dunno. Anyway. The woman who wrote the article introducing me to the whole "he's just not that into you phenom." well he's not. Its easier to get over that way. you know. whatever get over it.

destination procrastination

I have sat down 4 hours ago to begin invoicing that I need if I want shelter. Things I've done instead are: 3 40 minute phone calls, an hourlong advice session with the housemate, drilling hooks into wood, reading every blog entry across the nation, and now finally creating my own very uninspired blog entry.

After yesterdays entry (from the cold spring coffeeshop), and a long and tired journey to my bed- I laid my head on my pillow that was ever so vaguely damp. Druel (sp?) was quickly ruled out. My bed had been pissed on by a very enamored or pissed off pup. That made me feel like real caca. Crying myself to sleep and so forth, I had a dream that after a football game I called out a girl on the other team for intercepting 2 balls with her "tit-tays". As I walked away from the play, it occurred to me I didn't know her very well to be speaking that way. Shortly after, the ref came over to tell me that I had been disqualified from playing anymore football games for my conduct. I explained that I was trying to be funny, but he wouldn't hear it. I was ostracized by my team and I felt like it was the end of the world and that I would kill myself if I couldn't play with my team. I woke up and realized how much team sports mean to me. In a bigger awareness, I realized that I am not always the loner I think I am. Then on an even more meaningful tangent, I realized that Yoda sounds like Gonzo.

wed-ding

there are so many comments about this weeks marathon wedding event for Friend 1994, I need to list it numerically as an aid to my strange headache.

1. It actually was great and rewarding despite all the bitchy sounding numbers that shall ensue.

2. Pedicures are the bomb.

3. Beautyshop for hairstyling are not.

4. Limos are getting less exciting but nonetheless, the best way to enjoy 92Q.

5. I gave a speech at the rehearsal dinner to nearly 100 of the bride and grooms family. It turned into a roast, which seemed intriguing-if I'd been prepared. Every table was encouraged to share a memory. The sister was an emotional mess, and I got thrown "you've known her the longest."

Two glasses of wine had me feeling pretty fine so I snapped up to the podium where my hands began trembling- preoccupying me more than the crowd. This has always what has gripped me in the performance arena. Not the people, but the blushing and physical seizing. I had a great open, seg, and closer that were pretty natural (my 9th grade partially deaf speech teacher would have been proud).

Afterwards I coudn't help thinking the story may have not been appropriate, even though the grooms party congratulated me for my words and I got some laughs. (true power I have to say). The laughs could have been the "you make us uncomfortable" canned laughter and clapping variety. It was about the plays she had performed throughout grade school- Helen Keller the wonderful line"wa-wa", and a public service announcement for teen suicide that had the greatest deadpan delivery. Just typing it makes me realize they are "had to be theres". The bride liked it. thats all that matters right?

6. At the end of the night I had the classic responsIble drinkers decision, where shall I sleep and who shall drive my drunkass to that location. Choices:


A. The groomsmen suite- where the latenight party was resuming.

b. Friend 1993's house nearby, on the floor of the baby's room.


This is where a couple of cynical lines about being a bitter single soon 30-turning lady attending buttloads of weddings, would fit nicely. Instead I say, outside of that mysteriously fizzing drink I was handed at the hotel, I am on the road to making the right choices.

Points of Interest

Hi-ho I'm a midnight blogger.

Link 1 my mommy sent me, to send to my sisters who are on the dark side. She can be such an instigator. Its called Bushs speechwriter, and if you are a person who loses hours of time on fridge magnet poetry, beware- its that kind of random perfection addiction. I saved one called "dawn operation iraqi and II". The first one was really bad. but after checking the site out, load Jimmys "I like to shit", he did a darn good job.

Link 2 I heard these prank phone calls a long time ago and was recently reunited with the source. Highly recommended are wizard of war, rope, and coaxial flutter.

Bigger Bovine

After a faith-based identity crisis last year, I thought it would be good to go to this place last fall. To catch up on the mortality that had escaped me through my early 20s. Thats where I remembered that I have a really hard time paying attention to really long mechanical explanations.

Today, while browsing the science headlines Fermilab Experiment To Beam Neutrinos Through Dairyland, I could recall this as one of the few udderly amazing projects I gleened from the tour. Sub-atomic collisions underneath natural wildlife- (this blows my mind). this time, all the way from Chicago to Wisconsin. If I could get an explanation of neutrinos in my lifetime, I could go out peacefully knowing about my existence.

Then I thought about the science mission from last summer that went awry in the desert in Arizona where two helicoptors with a giant butterfly net were scheduled to intercept a probe that had been sent to space to collect solar dust, and somebody forgot to carry a one, and it shattered to bits penetrating deeply into earth, inversly, causing my taxes to skyrocket back into outer space. WHICH finally, brings me to some pretty alarming social commentary:

With all this scientific testing happening in the middle of the country why do you think there's so many red states????

Big Bovine

Sometimes, life and current affairs align, and I don't have to write about a bachelorette party.

Last night, my American-Italian friend brought over the very curious How To Get Ahead in Advertising, which reminded me of a very incident that happened during football this weekened. More on the movie later- it ties back in I promise, I think.

This weekend over football(3-1), the fields at Patterson Park were packed to the gills due to the extremely beautiful weather. Our team was one of many grilling out watching other football games. Someone a few yards over on another team pointed out a very slow moving cow mascot converging between two of the fields to the center diamond. We speculated that someone had really taken the league too seriously, when we saw 3 more coming from another location. Its 2 in the afternoon and its 80 degrees. Wierd. So one of the cows comes up to our sprawl and does its mascot mime thing- giving out only a keychain with a cute little cow (with mind control or milk?) with only this link written on it. My brother determined that it must of been a guy as only a few of the girls on the team were offered a keychain and he was skipped over. We offered him a beer, which he put in his cow felt bag and waved good-bye.

Today at the weekly, we checked out the website and still there is no indication what all this propaganda was about. Government control? Buttercup? Herd poison? Obvious addy awards for 2005? But further investigation pulled up this. Just google it. there is a lot of talk and its local. kind of freaks me out that there is a meeting for the future. I don't care if its just chic-fil-a.

Anyway. that brings me back to the big brother and How to Get Ahead in Advertising. That movie disturbed me greatly. For reasons besides the frequent exchange with a boil. 1. I swear that Charlie Kaufman must have wrote it- or used it as a bible. 2. I believe that the whole truwth campaign was lifted from it. boy I can get fired on that one. It really got the old blood boiling about the business(pun fully intended). Which then led me to a summary of the upcoming release of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, where earthlings accidentally "naturally select"- instead of the doctors and scientists, car salesman and advertisers. pretty funny stuff. If anyone has a copy of this book to lend me -twould be great. There was a big brother tie in somewhere but I lost it. dAmnIT.

my favorite face

Today I post from a pc, and no fair, they have formatting buttons! I always knew that about PCS in hotmail etc. but I forgot til now and I feel cheated. I paid more!

Sometimes, when I know a person really well, and that person has a tendency towards shyness and modesty, I know how to say something (usually personal or complimentary), and they give a sideways smile that you know they are trying to conceal, but they know you know that too, and then they keep smiling that way. I will add the hallmark logo to that later.

spoken like a true yearbook entry

last night was a bachelorette party for my oldest high school bud. I got to see all the old girls from the Burnie of Glen getting as wild as ever. (3 babies can do that to a lady of 28).

My release agreement has me binded against relaying any debaucherous detail. But I will yield one life lesson from it: when you play field hockey in high school, the girl who passes you an assist, will continue to do so if she stays a lifelong friend. Spiker gets the game ball.

k.i.t.
xoxo
b.f.f.
d
yankees rule.

squeeze filiblog aborted

I made the mistake of talking about the song I was supposed to talk about today, yesterday, and frankly I am hungover, and its not funny to me anymore. one more entry might have made it work.

I am freelancing today on a station that is using 9 and Intronet Explunger and it causes some wacked up shtine. the Eebmore website is yellow on yellow. and blogger has all these extending white bars. and I can't even preview this entry. what the?

Last night was a whirlwind that turned out to be the advertisio awards. I talked to an old coworker who has the amazing ability to belt out some very insensitive shit in his race to beat me to the kids, house and home. I thought he was the culprit behind the bad breath I kept smelling. it was so bad, and each time it had the same awfulness that kept making me think of the word 'defenestration'. which I just looked up- and thats the greatest word definition ever:

Main Entry: de·fen·es·tra·tion
Pronunciation: (")dE-"fe-n&-'strA-sh&n
a throwing of a person or thing out of a window

but you knew that didn't you smarty? ok smarty. so then after much other stuff that I can't express now, I landed at the tavern where I thought I would have the conversation I love to speculate with others over when I am tipsish, where I try to convince the person I am talking to that I am Irish, but my teeth are african. Last night the person I tried to convince was 100% African and he assured me that my teeth were mental.

squeeze filliblog

british nestle bar reprise

Todays news about Squeeze includes my downloading from itunes the underappreciated track- "hourglass". If you think you don't know it-- You are underestimating your 80s knowledge. And of course, I just found it for free for you on the net. grumble grumble.

Another unbelievable hit that you won't find on Singles is "I've Returned", which everytime I hear, I think it could be the soundtrack for T.C. Boyle's Water Music

I can' remember what happened in Mr. Smith goes to Washington and I am tired of doing my trivial research, but I do believe that Jimmy talked about whatever he wanted. Well I am going to keep it real even though I would like to speculate on the curious Spoon title, "My Mathematical Mind". a little nod and gesture and a wink to the oj's maybe? I'm also tired of the regurgitated ops.-- both Vanity Fair and salon have given it the Prince alignment. download the free track here.

i had some walnuts in my salad and Im having a reaction. this will resume tomorrow.

Points of Interest (view)- yes more with squeeze.

so if you haven't ran out to Walmart to get my birthday gift yet, here is what I would like instead. Look at that Tilbrook. He looks like a british nestle crunch bar.

it was brought to my attention that Good-bye Girl has been recently used in a commercial - that ran during the Miss Hon America at the Hippodrome. I'm not phased. The sellout frustration comes when I am listening to WOXY and this awesome Kings of Leon song comes on, and I think, "Why do I visualize incessant dancing and jumping around? well its because Volkswagon has attached an image to that song, to help me go buy an apartment or subwoofers. They own my pistol.

ok- beyond the music but back to the Miss America. Miss Gay Maryland is at the "Hippo". See they're gay, so its minus the drome. Get it?

Insane event that I came across at the weekly--with handheld instruments? provided. Whenever I enter these events I always picture the most diverse lot of people. Especially the "Q &A sessions with experts in fields like footcare". I always picture it turning into a support group for divorced people. I guess thats why the category is 'talks plus'. I love to comb them with my eyeballs.

Finally that last point of interest, goes to my favorite comic, who has so succintly captures underwater gracious disposal in the second panel.

I don't know I kind of like the idea of marathon blogging, or Filliblogging. I am going to google that phrase to see if its been done 'afore. Stay tuned for more on squeeze.

fluffernutters

The dangerous thing about drunk blogging is not the damage you do tearing up the internet highway like godzilla. It's the fact that you might drop your laptop in the toilet when you pass out and fall off.

I don't know how gbv ended up in that last entry. It meant to be all about singing "Sunlight on the Lotto(sic)" over Glen Tilbrook's shoulder, and becoming a member of the sexy backing band.

tilbrook v. pollard (total rant)

hello. i just touched tilbrook and guitar. and I have to say from it. that the gbv experience, and every experience associated with it can go to hell. it made all modern day rock music seems so negative and mean. especially the ones who think rock stars equal fucking modern day erudites ie, soma thse brooklyn babies. I don't need some rock and roll phenom to tell me to hate djs. in fact any band that suggests that djs are a piece of shit can suck any cell that might have turned into my left nut because I don't give a fuck how important your god damn original rock music is- I want to celebrate the music I like, and as BIlly Joel exclaims so successfully, this is my life, so go suck an undeveloped cell.

ok. deep breath after that one. I know I lost a lot of talking points there- but its not worth it. because I would rather relive the awesomeness of g. and the fluffers doing the hits. "good-bye girl", the soooo bittersweet " up the junction" , and most essentially, "tempted by the fruit". a big sigh goes out. tilbrook, you know love. and I am not afraid to say that your bass player, she is sexy. and your keyboarder too. and if I was you I would be rocking it the same way. love up to squeeze.

federal hill, happy birthday baby brother I missed you.

I don't want to speculate. I just want to calculate.

The tax preparer didn't include any of my office expenses. That was the only relief. The occupation field said: "graffic". When we entered the new figures, he was yelling, "C'mon computer!" as he frantically clicked next to the scroll down button. Finally, a certificate for 'training in real estate' was featured prominently on his desk. I'm still sweating. He did compliment the print out I compiled of all my expenses.

He warned me about heightened IRS enforcement because of these Tax prep programs. He suggested that I take a photo of my office, in case the IRS show up at my door. I can hand that to them. and run.

IRS, Heres my work.


DSC00201
Originally uploaded by owizard.

Cell Block Section 179

H+R Block hit me with the devastating news. What percentage do people pay in taxes anyway?? Seriously. Is it 30% in a low- medium income bracket. thats what I thought. I'm not giving up half. Seriously. Apparently aside from the headache, there is a penalty for not filing estimated quarterly-- and they hit you both at the state and Federal. But whats another $500 really? I am lost and every year I get more lost in a jungle full of 40' tax forms that tower over me and consume me between the carbon sheets.

Wouldn't it be great if instead of opting to pay your taxes you could jump in the bullring for 15 minutes and entertain the Department of the Treasury?

A smart person once showed me how to make decisions in my life saying you have to look at the most important options to you, deduce, and keep going down the list. So here they are:

Important decisions: dealing with the IRS.
a. Flee to Canada where Sloan has asked ME to be friends on myspace!

b. Go to that sweet white collar prison where Martha went.

wow. that helped. life's looking up already with these choices.