how to eat leftover crabs

• Step 1: don't share.
  seriously, if you want to enjoy traditional overindulgence, you can't be rationing.
  
• Step 2: prepare the area.
  Get your butter knife, crate and barrel catalog, paper towels and paper plates. Also grab Disc 7 of the biography of Charles Shulz. Start the cd and make sure the volume is audible over shell-smashing. Pour the WHITE WINE!
  
• Step 3: nuke the crabs.
  place crabs (two at a time) in the microwave. Do not exceed more than a minute, because apparently they can explode.
• Step 4: Enjoy.
  You can either knife through everything like a fisherman, or you can savor through each and every nooks and crannies like a true scavenger. I opt for the latter.
  scavenger note: its good to put the finished shells and stuff on the paper plate as the crate and barrel ink on coated paper can't hold up to the crab juice and you will have a $600 coffee table on your back fin (I believe thats the big claw name).
  
• Step 5: clean up.
  throw all the trash in a plastic bag and be sure not to put it out for trash until trash day. Rats love this stuff, and we don't want them to choke on no bones. Fruitlessly wash your hands.
• Step 6: dessert.
  eat 2 blue bunny neopolitan ice cream sandwiches in rapid succession.
  

Friends, next time I hope to share the crabbing portion of these instructions. For now, I leave you with "bull lips". Back to school work.