officewizard towers

GOP Governor Sanford needs some Deliverance

2009-06-24T15:10:00.003-04:00

So this was going to be a post about how the Lt. Governor of South Carolina was taking the Governor to task for his absence of hiking in the wilderness – a mere special inerest spot in the news. Oh, everybody needs to get a way every once in a while was the message the tv and radio chose to capitalize on. I appreciated the message the Lt. Governor made, albeit whiny and tattletaley. My specific issue with how he expressed his beef was how a whole state would have to shut down, despite his assigned role as 'next man on the totem pole' just because he didn't officially pass off the torch.

I have particularly been finding this system of power frustrating in my own working environment. I struggle when action ceases due to someone above me in the 'channels' inavailability. I am using this in the personal sense, but I witness it among my colleagues as well.

Gummed up. wasteful workflow. probably someone out having an affair on their way to the GOP. on fathers day. while wife covers ass. with four sons.

Strike up the dueling banjos.

Green design has got me down

2009-05-11T16:18:00.002-04:00

It all started with elation. I thought to my frugal self: “Finally, a universal adoption of stinginess for materials that rivals my own. The model has shifted. yay.” as I continued to rinse my plastic utensils. (Stay tuned for my version of recycled living)

It’s great. It’s meaningful. Saving the future is so much more fun than cell phone baubles and styrafoam.

I didn’t think it was going to affect my graphic design much, except for the opportunity to use green more and do cool leaf and plug logos for our electric truck (visual to follow), but it has. It’s made me recognize a design trap I am frequently guilty of – uber paper consciousness.

--

Office warriors battle daily against mountains of paper with the aforementioned little email footer to ‘Please consider the environment before printing this [important] email.’

Graphic designers deal with this times ten. At home, I make several trips around the house over the course of a weekend with the task to find paper stuffs to recycle.

This daily guilt leads to cramping content down to half the area that’s necessary to visually communicate the message. It’s the equivalent of storage bins and vertical hangers of information.

I managed to create a class schedule into a bookmark 6-up on an 8.5x11 document. :)
Two-sided. :(

Free N0 More!

2009-02-26T12:15:00.007-05:00

This is the new name of the ISP I have been piggybacking for three years.
its been a pretty good run, I'd say.

When I opened my laptop after a few days of not being able to hop on (they were probably on vacation or something I thought to myself), my computer had a bit of a hiccup while airport rescanned the available wireless networks. The usual locked suspects popped up, but before where my trusty 12-digit open connection had been, was now a blaring personal confrontation to me. At first, I laughed and thought this was a funny little way to slap my wrist and say 'shame on me' in a joking way, but later I started to feel ashamed.

I don't know the ins and outs of wireless connection-- I struggle to explain the difference between AOL, wireless and verizon/cable DSL to my mom. So in my lack of comprehension beyond "i can't access the internet any longer", I'm paranoid this particular neighbor who has threatened to shoot a neighborhood cat, might know the wifipirate/fregan(s)**.

This makes me regret not approaching all my neighbors sooner, in an honest effort to offer up money to share the service. I wasn't sure that it was a suitable offer, but it would have maybe alleviated the shame as I walk down my street wondering which neighbor is shunning me.

Too bad, the honest truth is that the $29 monthly service is going to break my financial back, adding me to the mounting numbers of foreclosures*. So, really, is it any advantage to you stingy probably-Republican neighbor? Shame on YOU!

*I don't like to make jokes about my own foreclosure because I really do stress about it. But I do like to joke about it because it does get under the skin of Republican bailout types.

**later determined another neighbor was aboard the ship.

a case of the shingles

2009-01-02T16:47:00.007-05:00

Let me take a break from my intermittent ipod blogging to talk about my condition that is symptomatic of immunocompromised individuals and the elderly. I have been experiencing it for approximately 3 weeks with noone to empathize these conditions with, leading me to feel like a hypercondriacting, ultra-sensative, weak whiny baby that just has to learn to deal.

Fast-forward through the holidays: my pants begin hurting in ways that not even multiple-helpings of a thanksgiving and/or holiday meal can cause. The way I described it in soliciting pity was a bruised shank steak of a hip with hot gravy poured down the front and side, with my clothes feeling like a barbed wire piece of bread sandwiching the two painfully together. Naturally, people thought I was just coming on to them.

So after an unrelated injury also happened, I thought I might use my extended time from work to see if my doctor could make something of this self-diagnosed bursitis.

DR. OFFICE
I notice on the files I need to verify for 'computerization' I have been a patient since 2002. Immediately, I feel a closeness to this doctor, who for the most part has only seen me annually, never seen me nude, and has only dealt out anti-depressants and once asked me where I got my pot cookies after I confessed that I lost my shit eating too many. She's very Cold Water Creek maternal. Just how I like my docs, I guess.

DIAGNOSIS
In the examination, I try to break down my symptoms, altho its been two weeks since I was able to secure an appointment, I am mostly remembering the pain. It starts to flare up a bit while I am sitting there. She asks me to disrobe and she is going to go check on the turkey or something. After she leaves, I am not sure how far to take my clothes off. I decide that undies and socks will show her I am not easy. I feel uncomfortable about disturbing the pile of paper dresses that I wasn't given. I opt to fold my pants over my lap and wait.

She returns and offers me a paper gown. She examines the hip and folds my leg all around to find any subsequent pain. At this point, I thought i might mention this coincidental cluster of spider or mosquito bites on the trunk of my back that got me real good.

She stepped back. She rinsed her hands and told me I had shingles. The word (like chickenpox) seems like such a hygiene-related funky disorder. I was shocked. Does this mean... I am an old person?

PROGNOSIS
I really was in shock. I always go into the doctor's office expecting two things: "it's nothing, yer fine", or "you have cancer". So I didn't have time to form follow up questions. She told me I had already endured what is classically known as very painful both in the skin and from the lesions. Its clearing up, so no crazy steroids or awesome pain-relievers. Just a sense of knowing that I am a total bad-ass!

I realized the whole exchange that I had with my doctor had been so one-sided. I asked if she liked the computerization of things. She sighed and turned to me suddenly candid. She was unhappy. She said she also had some bad news to report before everything was over. She was ending her practice there. She described some things I didn't understand about residency and practice. All I kept thinking is that my doctor was breaking up with me while my pants are off...

FAQ
She left the room again to go test the mashed potatoes and I tried to think of important questions to ask her. She used google several times while we sat there discovering the dermatomal zones of my pain. I thought, anything I might forget I will go home and soak up like a sponge.

She had already told me that only the site of the blistering bumps would be contagious to those who have never been infected by chickenpox and mine had already sored up. She told me it lies internally dormant in our nerves after we contract chickenpox (mine was an ugly bitch of a case at 16!), and emerges only during times where our immune-systems are weak, like AIDS, or cancer (which is being ruled out in a blood test right now I hope), and of course, stress. "Can my cats, who sleep right next to me get it?" and just like that, perfectly straight-faced and not laughing at me, she said, "no".

Good-bye Dr. Cold Water Creek, good-bye.

you are in an ipod board room with a CaseLogic representative...

2008-11-13T21:18:00.005-05:00

Dear blog, go north....

this tim3 i wont lie, I am Blogging, BUI! (Blogging while tipsy!)
i love to write then-- my sentences become so succinct and concise and undidactic! whether its a regretful email to my past or just a new post about ipods, bring forth the unheard slurred type! not to mention, i can't seem to manage to update this thing during officetower hours, so here goes the latest in ipod self-discoverty.

latest reports show the only new and exciting thing in my life, my new red product thingy ipod. its working out for me-- its got me working out! I think I have doubled my length of run time, but I can't be sure without that confounded iped(ometer). I keep meaning to tachometer it, but i never drive that way. I have been getting out twice a week, so no matter what, its an improvement on my previously stoic ass. the 'on the go' feature continues to be an enigma.

so in my effort to be cheap, i bought a last generation case. i have since determined that in there R&D for new nanos and shuffles, FIRST thing, they bring on board a CAseLogic rep. They break down all the ways that a new ipod WONT work in the last generation case, and start there.

is it acceptable to have 3 consecutive posts about an ipod?

2008-10-08T15:49:00.002-04:00

so I have more commentary on the last extravagent purchase I will make going into a recession. It feels wrong to be consumed by it, but at least its not baby blogging (although I do have an off-colored zinger about babies in store!)

ipod nano commentary for efficient consumption:
• who determined that the wheel was such revolutionary design? its not intuitive to me, and i am practically an Ap[pl]e Genius (the original genius, not the new genius). Also- when I want to FF, I notice that my philanges sometimes graze the top or bottom and interrupt the volume. I am sure that they have workarounds for dummies, but thats not intuitive dammit!

• When I finally get my band started, the name won't begin with an A. I have already started to resent The Adverts and Abida Parveen a little bit for how often they so frequently start in, because I haven't gone through all the proper procedures to get into shuffle mode.

• When you're jogging or [st]wrangling the cord for your FM transmitter, you may notice a warning beep and then the song skips to the next one, don't be alarmed: this is Nano's AI ability to feel your pain for that song. Cute huh? The key is to shake it more than you would at the rate of jogging. Kind of how you would shake a baby. quick, short, violent stops. (whats wrong with this brain, my friends?)

• why does it take three button hits to power off my ipod nano?

ipod tale: part ii

2008-09-25T13:59:00.003-04:00

good grief, am I to review that whole story?

A couple of follows up with regards to my new 110th generation ipod. I like it! I feel cool! I feel reconnected to music in a way that is more authentic than I thought possible. I run! I also daydream more and set real life scenes to the soundtracks of my life and all that good stuff.

The Nike connection to ipod is a total hoax:
you get a $40 pedometer that tracks your heartrate that only seems to work inside a special pair of $110(?) itenners. You also get access to an online workout community.

I've managed by syncing up the songs that keep pace with my target heartrate of 156 bpm. This isn't done mathematically, simply by its capacity to move my behind. Those songs are:
• 'Rude Boys train' by Dessmond Dekker
• 'A Ted Leo song' (ps. where's the recently played or back button on the shuffle, huh?)

My only regret is selecting the red ipod.
Now when my favorite dance song comes on, I turn into a black silhouette on a bright color, then I look down at my ipod and am reminded of Aids in Africa, and I restore to my original colors.

ipod tale: part i

2008-09-14T11:36:00.009-04:00

I've had a reconditioned ipod nano sitting in my target online shopping cart for about a month now. I don't know what the hesitation was in getting it to replace my much whined about lost one, but something told me to wait.

A few days ago, I happened to be following macrumors.com in anticipation of Adobe CS4, when I discoverednthe new nano had been announced at a Steve Jobsy type conference–and it was practically the same price, with more capacity to rock, and it came in alotta colors.

so no brainer, I went online to buy it where I was confronted with an engraving option. I thought for a moment about what lyric i should inscribe into my newest igadgetbaby. the browser window was dormant for the rest of friday afternoon. A commitment to color was going to be decision enough.

Saturday, the smartest day to venture into the Apple store in Towson, my friend PC-teacher and I took a long overdue trip to the mall. She moved right along past the 50+ person apple store onto Anthropologip. I walked in, being the apple snob (as my mall companion calls me) thinking I deserve and will get immediate attention, as I am not there for ridunkulous requests ("I am here to trade in my ipod for one with built-in speakers.*") I know EXACTLY what I want and its right there on the table. GREEN, 8gb, no case, and no crapple care.

Apple stores have this innovative new consumer system you might be aware of: The staff all wear little registers on them and they wear tshirts with clever little slogans like "I know people". Orange shirts answer your questions and put you on a list and pretend like you are at a party. Aqua shirts get merchandise somewhere through the back of the store, maybe by bicycle in Pennsylvania. (note: do not wear these color ts into the store unless you're in to mild-manhandling.)

Orange shirts work faster, ya know? they forget that they've talked to you, and ask you what you need and you say something stupid like: "I'm on a list". meanwhile, if they had products out, you could simply hand it to them to ibuy. This pattern went on for 23 minutes, in which time, I had changed my opinion on the color of my nano about 23 times with certainty. This is a good time to point out that that the red ipod is not simply a color. I found this out cycling the table after having decided to go with charcoal so it would match all my other electronics. Whoa, red, fights Aids in Africa. how can I be so selfish with green or charcoal or white. But since I am fairly sure i want those colors, i could just make a donation and not be a slave to choices... ARRG! this is not the internal dialogue i want to be having. grumbling begins... I like lines! i like a visual display of my wait and the retards in front of me and the losers behind me.

part ii: ipod and nike, loading your ipod when you are mildly drunk and then running the next day.

inscriptions?

* do they make an ipod with built-in speakers?

acrobat replay

2008-09-11T22:08:00.003-04:00

good bye, gegghie khan

2008-09-03T13:42:00.004-04:00

inner peace is a total joke. you know gardening, kayaking, meditation and yoga, all that.

Mediation on the other hand, especially a long drawn out one is the true secret to sanctity. Over the course of the last two years, at one point, I was carrying 4 hatchets over friendships that ended in an unamiable way. One by one, they've faded or have been buried until this last weekend. The last gigantic five year old hatchet was very joyously, unexpectedly, and drunkenly buried like a luau pig. We laughed, we cried. We remembered times when we did the worlds most stupid things, and how we still both do the worlds most stupid things without having learned any better.

If it recultivates, it undoubtedly will be a slow-growing, different friendship. If it doesn't, thats one less awkward time I have to squeeze by someone on a narrow Smalltimore street without acknowledging them. big sigh.

Go out there and do it, my bloglleagues. You know how you cringe at a small party when schmo-and-schmo shows and blabs really loudly about how great their life is so others will undoubtedly hear it? Well you won't have to be that person anymore! Buy this one-time compadre who wronged you a shot of Viritas. Salute to friendship. Imagine Michael McDonald is playing in the background and call it a day.

adobe acrobat, get over yourself.

2008-08-27T10:18:00.003-04:00

from the support forums, I have looked this answer up about 20 times in hopes that it has changed:

Q. Can I save Adobe PDF forms in Adobe Reader after I have filled out a PDF form?

A. Yes, provided your form has had the "local save" capability turned on with Adobe LiveCycle Reader Extensions. Team members both inside and outside an organization have access to and can interact with forms. You can easily open, fill out and submit PDF forms, even from handheld devices and over wireless connections. However, if the "local save" capability has not been activated in your PDF form, you will not be able to save the form data with Adobe Reader.

Q. (@Adobe): Did you really feel that was a sufficient and suitable answer to this question. Just make it goddamn free and built-in already!

how to eat leftover crabs

2008-08-25T20:47:00.003-04:00

Step 1: don't share.
seriously, if you want to enjoy traditional overindulgence, you can't be rationing.
Step 2: prepare the area.
Get your butter knife, crate and barrel catalog, paper towels and paper plates. Also grab Disc 7 of the biography of Charles Shulz. Start the cd and make sure the volume is audible over shell-smashing. Pour the WHITE WINE!
Step 3: nuke the crabs.
place crabs (two at a time) in the microwave. Do not exceed more than a minute, because apparently they can explode.
Step 4: Enjoy.
You can either knife through everything like a fisherman, or you can savor through each and every nooks and crannies like a true scavenger. I opt for the latter.
scavenger note: its good to put the finished shells and stuff on the paper plate as the crate and barrel ink on coated paper can't hold up to the crab juice and you will have a $600 coffee table on your back fin (I believe thats the big claw name).
Step 5: clean up.
throw all the trash in a plastic bag and be sure not to put it out for trash until trash day. Rats love this stuff, and we don't want them to choke on no bones. Fruitlessly wash your hands.
Step 6: dessert.
eat 2 blue bunny neopolitan ice cream sandwiches in rapid succession.

Friends, next time I hope to share the crabbing portion of these instructions. For now, I leave you with "bull lips". Back to school work.

Notes from atop the tv

2008-08-15T09:47:00.002-04:00

From atop my mid 90's swivel magnabox, things were lookin pretty good.
Things you can't do when your rich.

What can I say, people don't like to hear others go on about their time off and how relaaaxxxing it was. Even if they are just at home free in an utterly blissful reclusiveful state.

I was going to fill you in on temporary vehicle # 3 and its radio qualities, but blogspot has got a 2" margin from the cursor mark and where the cursor is, and I am just not having it for editorial sake. good-BYE!

Some unfounded Batman trivia: (aka Spoiler mania!)

2008-07-28T13:59:00.002-04:00

they dubbed Christian Bale's Batman voice with Clint Eastwood's to give the Dark Knight more of a 'make my day' sort of attitude. In keeping with this, on the back of the inflated-tire cafe racer, there is a bumper sticker that says this, but you can't see it under the dangerously long cape that somehow never gets caught in the back tire.

In the scene where Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhall) is on the phone waiting to be rescued, all of the other male characters in the movie are simultaneously engaging in a love scene in which they are praising one another for being a better type of knight. this scene was cut out for obvious rating issues.

John McCain, turned down the role of the Joker at the last minute, due to scheduling conflicts. He cited how he would have used Sid Vicious, Iggy Pop, and Charlie Chaplin as a means for inspiration.

the batman suit was darned entirely out of an old 1992 ford escort, with no parts left unused.

countdown to staycation: 1 week!

staycation all I ever wanted.

2008-07-08T10:05:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I was informed that the vacation I am taking is technically called a staycation. I haven't looked into the definition much, but I believe its when you stay home during your time away from work and sit on the tv and eat a lot of banana nut crunch and talk to your cats. It's what academia calls a sabbatical.

Of course, the inner spaz in me will want to take a hammer to the bathroom floor and start a project. The inner artist will want to paint the empty canvas that has been on the wall for a year, and finish recording some song ideas including the new rap song born out of car-radiolessness. It will be interesting to see who wins.

Ironically, the same person who tuned me into the notion of staycation, happens to need help moving into a new house, and now they know I am off.

follow up/through

2008-06-26T00:35:00.003-04:00

That last post doesn't make much sense to me. it being late then, kinda like it is now. This time, however, I have reviewed forgotten materials from a successful semester (thank goodness for essex FALL o7 sessions). I think that tomorrows class will be much better. I am up for the challenge of the next 10 people telling me, "I'm lost". I am. I won't lose this one.

an analogy called teaching and the tennis wall

2008-06-24T23:02:00.003-04:00

There used to be a long three paragraphs here expounding on my little title. Long night, no resolutions. thats how its ending.

extra credit: Mrs. Krabappel is an important old maid character figure, on par with Maxine and Kathy.

juno high school

2008-05-23T12:46:00.003-04:00

snarky

Pronunciation: \ˈsnär-kē\ Function: adjective: 1 : diablo cody

It's taking me quite a bit of getting used to seeing these late 80's babies portraying my generation, but I finally found the suspension necessary to disbelieve or unbelieve or not believe at all.

Then there was a hamburger phone scene (which I thought was a little forced), but authentic! I had a similar highly-cherished poorly-functioning phone through my junior high career. While my friend would read Tigerbeat snippets to me over the phone, or describe her entire school shopping booty, my chin would hit the button thinger that was very prominent at the mouthpiece when I yawned or cracked up. You basically were talking on a piece of garfields back. Why did the Garfield phone kick the hamburger phones ass? because his eyes were open when you were talking through him.

snooty mail

2008-05-05T14:16:00.005-04:00

I hijacked the above text slug for my email signatures from a press release for happenings in Dundawk to offset my carbon footy-print.

It really harks back to the late eighties/early nineties obnoxious effort to save the world. As tho the world is on the edge of their Herman Miller Aaron chairs awaiting my messages so they can print it out and add it to the tome of officewizard correspondence...but first determine is this chapter essential?

Kind of reminds me of the time I visited the Thomas Jefferson (or some imortant dude in VA) house or museum. They (the tour man), told me how he sent out a whole series of handwritten letters via pony express just to notify his pen pals that he was too busy snuffing to return their reply.

desperately seeking validation

2008-04-03T21:12:00.004-04:00

it seems so not web 2.0 of google to not offer some sort of social networking/user comparison option for the google history feature.

I almost don't want to know how I compare, but I really do need to know just how moronic I am. I crave feedback. do a google search on the matter, you may suggest. but now I am conscious of my figures.

Just remember: I dont' have mom down the hall to ask for the tenth time how long it takes to hard boil and egg or a roomate to tell me what the name of the awful movie I am watching with that guy from Superman and the girl from Ferris Buellers Day off.

I wonder if anyone gave up google for Lent?

cheating in games, sports, and politics - losing conditions (eliot spitzer)

2008-03-12T11:27:00.008-04:00

During last night's class, we embarked on an interesting discussion on cheating in games and whether programmers should allow it. It incited a lot of heated debate about Hal0 III, which I can't really comment on. They all seemed to be against it in both a single-player and multi-player environment. I suggested since entertainment is the primary goal of most games, that it should be a user-defined condition. I went on to use the comparison of sports in real life. Somehow the topic kept returning to Halo and San Andreas. No doubt, the moral obligation in games is a hot topic.

So I decided to expand on cheating in sports AND politics, thanks to this real life Johnny Dangerously little brother. This guy is way more of a real disappointment to me more than all these juicing sports figures nabbed by the media. I don't hold athletes to their so-called moral obligation of being a hero and a role model. I certainly don't feel that way about politicians. I really try to not react to private life matters, but when you are a halo-hailing, crime-busting "steam-rolling" politician, and you fuck up, after raising the stakes of yer own egomanical game ... Reap what you spew, blowhards!

gaming friday

2008-03-07T10:07:00.009-05:00

I have began to immerse myself into gaming quite abit ... or at least recognize how frequently games in the loose sense play a roll in my procrastination lifestyle. "Let me play x games of mahjonng before I do the dishes. I will complete this 1 crossword puzzle before I do anything else." Within that crossword puzzle, I have a condition to not take more than 3 hints before I have to accept the fact that I have cheated.

So beyond the casual gaming, I also stumbled upon the world of warcraft after seeing a creative director's justification of using a rhone (rune sp?) for a blood elf because it looked cool. While the other director explained it was clearly part of the lore.

I also registered for Disney's Pirates of the Carribean which is my first online role-playing gaming experience. So in this game, you get extensive ability to really carve out your avatars appearance down to bridge and nostril width. You even get a sliding scale of body type from Kiera Knightly to Lara Croft.

So in exploring my gaming experiences, I wonder what this wii does for Katamari Damacy... you get a giant ball right?

Feather in Cap, Bee in Bonnet FICBIB- installment II

2008-03-03T12:49:00.003-05:00

fridays are a hard day to blog. so last fridays bit of wisdom is this:

when you have made an error, or in my case, I should state, when you are involved in an error at work, and your supervisor likes to keep a Bodyworlds2 type reproduction of your cajones on his/her desk, it is best to take a soft approach. This means that while you are in the company of other colleagues, be sure to address to your supervisor that you need their 'help' with a project later on. This helps them feel like they are the big gorilla. At that later time, you can explain the situation in a way that seems like anyone would have made the same mistake and it all goes unnoticed.

king of the mooks

2008-02-27T19:09:00.003-05:00

this was going to be an extended definition of my favorite new highly-useable insult/adjective (see title). I kinda don't feel like it now since I forgot by best metaphor. Instead I give you Bill Cunningham.

and this video (a parody of mooks by the comedy troupe Tripod).

bodyworlds2 (a sequel?) revisted

2008-02-21T15:20:00.002-05:00

so you may have noticed the chatter by the wjz wudder kewler that there is a nationwide story about these 'BodyWorld-type' exhibits, and how there are two competing manufacturers. One uses the unauthorized bodies of chinese war prisoners and the other uses consenting lunatics who knew exactly what they were doing. Don't worry MDSCI has a conscience.

I was lying in bed last night after a dream very similar in theme to this exhibit, which prompted me to raise the question: just what is plastination? and sure, the science center explains this relatively newly invented process, but I don't want to read all that! I just have to think of that image of bare bone, to know that the word plastination is a clever devise to lead your three pound gem away from the fact the process is really a simple one called, boilination. The french dude that developed it thought, if the audiences associate the clean sterile image of plastics to it, they won't mind investigating a corpse up close without rolfing. I am onto you frenchy!

3 doses of veronica mars at bedtime

2008-02-19T16:03:00.007-05:00

(with a dash or work stress and homework anxiety) creates this:

I was rushing to my life enrichment class at the classic mall that exists in my dreams (not to be confused with the mall of my dreams). its a giant mall similar in scope to Oz, and its only accessible by a totally sketched-out abandoned parking lot where there is a Box and Save and Rite Aid. I get into the class as my teacher is talking to some other students about some Beatles trivia in the news. He then told us that he had just gotten his haircut like a famous rocker, across the mallway, where they decided to supplement the salon income by doubling as daycare, which Mr. Rosso complained about. Class was about to start when he noticed the kitten in my lap that I found and rescued on the parking lot. He said, "unless you would like me to sneeze the whole lecture like I did at those kids, I need you to get rid of that thing." Since I didn't have my homework, it was a nobrainer that I was just going to leave. Meanwhile he started class, where the first powerpoint slide said:
----------------------
Music appreciation will:

• blah

• blah blah

• help cheerleaders
---------------------

As Mr. Rosso was going into detail about these points, I started collecting all my bags, when I realized that I was wearing no shirt, just my baby blanket, draped around my shoulders like a poncho. I noticed T.Suggs sneaking a peek as I kept bending over to pick up my 10 bags while I held the kitten to my breast. As I would pick up one bag, another would fall or my blanket would slide off my sleeve, or the kitten would get away. THIS HAPPENED FOR ETERNITY, until I said to myself, come on! this is the kind of stuff that happens in dreams! When I finally managed to pick up everything, below my last bag, lo and behold! my shirt! At that point, I decided I was used to the faded cotton poncho look.

I left for the parking lot where on my way I stopped by the old coffee stand I used to work for. All the new jhu students were book-smart, common-sense-dumb as ever and I had to keep helping them do things and of course they were weeded. The cops then came and asked where my license to operate a cart was. The till of the register had no door and I just grabbed my stuff and got on the next water taxi out of there.

hideaway then bodyworlds2 now

2008-02-12T21:23:00.000-05:00

so there are some creepy similarities.

i would like to acknowledge that i missed the second installment of my new series, Feather in Cap, Bee in Bonnet. I was busy trying to leave work early or something. thats just the kind of irregularity you'd come to expect when you used to visit this blog.

one final mention for todays entry. today is what has come to be known as the "potomac" or "chesapeake" primary. A much better way to describe the glen burnie accent in my estimation, btw. Its the first primary I have ever voted in, and I may have thrown my vote away by not selecting any of the "did-not-fully-read-delegates-of-some-nature-with-the-presidential-candidates-in-parens".
just thought I would confess that.

what if Mickey Mouse actually gets the popular vote?

learning to variables, 8, 1

2008-02-05T22:37:00.000-05:00

so i can't remember if I mentioned this in my blog about the recession, but it hit me in the form of low enrollment, leaving me with no teaching or taking. So before it was too late, I combed the credit schedule for another class that would fit into my array called life, and it turned out to be game programming I.

Now. I am no beginner to the world of programming:

I've had ~100 hours keying syntax from the coil binder that came with my commodore 64 to get a ball to bouncy; and
during high school, BASIC and PASCAL. I was no cheating slouch.

I thought I might take a stab at relaying my thoughts of the class in action script. Here goes:

//multimedia game programming class first impressions
//defining variables
intAverageAgeClassmates=18;
intAgeOfficewizard="";

//now we are getting to some meat and potatoes software biz
student1.name=officewizard;
student1.lastmathclass= intAverageAgeClassmates - 13;
if(gender="female") {
nails="biting"
};

so if all of that didn't compute to you or trace out properly, this says in computerese that the instructor told us for our first assignment, we could convince our parents to buy us a new game.

During class two, I was able to help debug myneighbor.laugh="every rude sound from his online game"; and I was able to even see a shortfall in the instructors code although I was not confident when I suggested it. It led me to look around the room and notice, including myself, all of the females were biting their nails!?!?!

yours truly;
first person shooter.

feather in cap, bee in bonnet (new!)

2008-02-01T14:10:00.000-05:00

I am going to attempt to feature a new section called feather in cap, bee in bonnet. Per my namesake, it shall pertain specifically to the culture of work and I will try to always post it on Casual Friday. The phrase Feather in your cap comes from the early days of hunting and slaying either prey (food) or enemies (coworkers). Office life has largely taken the place of these sort of activities. The phrase, 'bee in your bonnet' was on Jeopardy last night.

The FICBIB* for this week:

Embolden your vocabulary.

when things aren't going your way, address coworkers in meetings with the following:
argumentative, bellicose, contentious, discordant, disputatious, gladiatorial, pugnacious, truculent, acidic, bearish, bilious, choleric, dyspeptic, ill-humored, ill-natured, ill-tempered, irascible, irritable, ornery, peevish, pettish, petulant, querulous, rude, snappish, snappy, surly, waspish, warring

when things aren't going your way. Refer to yourself in the future tense with the following: affable, amiable, amicable, complaisant, conciliatory, cordial, genial, good-natured, good-tempered, gracious, ingratiating, obliging, pleasant, sociable; nonbelligerent, pacific, peaceable

Was I hot? Yes, I was hot.

2008-01-31T14:19:00.001-05:00

John McCain. April 24, 1974 (from wikipedia)

Son of a Mill worker!

2008-01-30T16:08:00.001-05:00

Did I know John Edwards? Maybe he really did back the little man and wasn't just a slow-fast-talking lawyer. I just don't know anymore. I guess its still an upHill battle from here.

oh, and Ina Jaffy.

how to approach fridays work uprising:

2008-01-25T16:09:00.001-05:00

6-10: Top NPR Names (extended mix)

2008-01-23T09:55:00.000-05:00

6. Tavis Smiley
7. Audy Cornish
8. Lakshmi Singh
9. Tie: Nina Totenberg and Carl Castle
10. Diane Fin-Lacin'

Be alarmed. Be very alarmed

2008-01-22T13:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, I can't find it now, but there was a picture of Henry Paulson, chairperson of the stock market or whatever, in his little blue stock market penny before the Dow opened this morning crying. no joke.

I don't really know what it means when rich people are afraid to bet their money, but I can be certain that they didn't get rich being stupid. Its scary. I can only paint a picture as bleak as the opening scene of this movie or this movie in the future ahead.

I am known for my pennysaving so I think I will be okay for a while. I will continue to exist off bags of .50 split pea soup for each of the coming recession weeks. Maybe I will adopt some of the habits that my dear gram, who lived through the Depression, (rest her soul), practiced:

stuffing one kleenex in my wristwatch to use ALL day (possibly month) long.
if I should receive any presents, I will open them with the hypervigilance of a U.S. bomb detection person/dog as a means to retain that paper for blankets, clothing, and sandwich wraps.
keep my CB on all day instead of tv as it calls on less electrical force.

However, making ends meet to pay my bills will be more difficult. Enrollment at the not-so-local community college has plummeted too -- snatching away BOTH of my supplemental income classes along with my life enrichment class.

Hillary sent me an email the other day (she always sends me emails), asking me how the economy effects me. I figured my story didn't pull the kind of heartstrings the way someone who makes their own shoes does so I deleted it, but let me put the question to you, dear reader. How does the weakening economy effect you?

don't be alarmed

2008-01-21T11:42:00.001-05:00

I have chose to make a few more updates to the look and feel of officewizard. It's all part of the revival. These changes include:

editing the title but not the url (so that I don't get countless blogrollees banging down my inbox in frustration!).
Some minor color tweaking based upon Martha's hot new color selections for 2008. (again, don't worry, I maintained the white background so you can still print out each post on your Okidata® Dot Matrix printer without cursing my name for using up all the waxy ink.)

x^2 files

2008-01-17T10:06:00.000-05:00

"The Stephenville Empire-Tribune says at least 40 people have reported sightings of the object, which reportedly appeared in the sky just after 6 p.m. on Jan. 8."- USA Today

WHERE ARE THE iPHONES (photos)????

update: a coworker directed my attention to this video of a bird in a sock.

I preferred the image in my head.

Top 5 NPR names

2008-01-14T10:29:00.001-05:00

In keeping with the audio factor, these have not been spellchecked:

David Folkenflick (the only last name I might ever care to adopt besides my own awesome one)
Quinn Klinefelter
Aniban Basu (I happen to know how this one's spelled since he spoke at my employment)
Sylvia Pagoli
Ira Flato

resolutionary

2008-01-02T19:30:00.000-05:00

Looking back, 2007 will go down in history for me as the year I got a $20 Old Navy 50% lambs wool sweater absolutely free.

Looking ahead, I see a lot of potential for this year of biological alarm clock snooze. I'll be celebrating my teaching anniversary this spring, and with that, fistsfuls of praise and presents from students leading me to believe I may be good at it, despite all the procrastination it brings out in me. I've upped my teaching capacity and I will be auditing one class that promises to enrich my life.

Although 2008 includes pursuing teaching tip with more umpheres, I ruled out my original plan-- grad school, offering wider teaching opportunity, but insignificant to cost, dollarbility. (see officewizard finance 2.0)

A teaching colleague sent me this yahooyed list of jobs with major growth, citing number seven as a way to encourage students about their future/choices. Looks like BabyBoomer ButtWiper Assistant is the wave of the future, kids. Heck performance doesn't look too shabby either.

On a smaller scale, I am going to accomplish the things on my google to do list I have been staring at the longest (everyday for six months). That means you, Rent Anil's Ghost and Tori Amos from Enoch Pratt Library and you too new dentist and try to sew Civil War Inspired legwarmers.

the other thing worth blogging about this year.

2007-12-19T11:54:00.000-05:00

Best movies of 2007.

Having since broken in to the comfort machine of netflix, i haven't invested much of my time and dollar bill signs into new-fangled luxury movies. But of the ones I have seen, I shall rate them in order according to their netflix queue worthiness.

Fellow blogger, I will call them French Revolution, pointed out this website link as an aid to derive this list but honestly its only making it harder and aiding in me feel like a real culture slack. This has been built of my own mind, with no regard to actual release dates.

ooh a numbering feature in blogger, how exciting and accomodating:

that movie by almodovar. The story about the mom being dead but she really wasn't dead, but was she? You be the judge. oh warning, spoiler alert! And she was hiding under the bed and passing gas. that moment actually brought me to tears with its realness. I love Almodovar films for his great ability to capture a really believable source of feminity and female relationships.
Hot Fuzz. maybe its because I watched this on the back of a headrest on a plane home from London. Taking a lot of pride in laughing out loud under my headphones. I loved the idea that this story was an entire metaphor for The Kinks: Village Green Preservation Society, and even used the song too! Totally ricoculous goodness.
Sicko. I thought it would be impressive to include a documentary in my top 3 to impress you. This movie did a good job making me jealous (not hard to do) of European moms. It was manipulative Moore at its finest. Lol moment: talking to Canadians about Celine Dion. oh dear.
Knocked Up. Getting back to funny business, this movie was a walk through a field of all my obnoxious immature male friends. So long as you can suspend the disbelief that a hot girl would even hook up with Seth Rogans laugh, and then potentially replicate it with a baby, and perpetrate a relationship with him... then you can enjoy some of the stuff that I forget happens in it.
Atonement. You will see alot of the selections here have a soft spot for me due to my coincidental introduction to Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" (Joe Wright movie version) and my summer holiday in London. You might be impressed that I read a short story by Ian McEwan once simply because the lead singer from Shudder to Think scored a movie based upon it. The movie was moving, the short story was mediocre itself but I digress. My good friend, I will call Angrea, introduced me to Joe Wrights ability to capture and replicate the excitement of romance and crushes in film. So when I discovered he took on the lauded authors tale of a dirty letter that ruins some lives, opting to put my up and coming crush as the lead role, it was a nobrainer for me. I also like to look at Kiera Kn1ghtly's skin at 900%. This movie reminded me of the Almodovar flick in the sense that he really nails the p.o.v. of a young female very successfully. This may be attributed to the authors credit, however, I am not going to bother to find out.
Pans Labyrnth. A true movie critic can parse out the wannabe "black snake moans", "Rescue Dawns" and "September Dawns" from the authentic fantasy and drama that Guillermo Del Toro might be known for. This movie touched my soul. I have used this movie for a year now to demonstrate the importance of plotting out your concepts on paper (see website). Bearing this in mind it occurs to me that this movie was made last year, but since I didn't write anything about movies last year, you'll let this one slide. The only problem I had with this movie is that once, in sixth grade, I was a final contestant in a spelling bee and I lost on the word rhythm. It always causes me to have to look up the spelling on words like it with an h and y and t.
Black Snake Moan. you may be surprised by the fact that I saw this at all, let alone include it among my top 10. I had the privelage of watching this movie in the back of a 2007 Chrysler Pacifica with a family of four. (get your mind out of the gutter!) We all laughed when the donkey got sassy with the ogre!
Freedom Writers. I saw this movie because I went on a date and we wanted something that we could talk intellectually about. Inadvertantly it led to me becoming a teacher and he and I broke up due to my commitment to the movie. woops! Spolier! this review was based on atrue story.
Becoming Jane. See 2 and 4. again with the James McEv0y and ~~Kiera Kn1ghtly~~ (editors note: I was confused by the pristine complexions. this movie features the lovely almost animation-like exagerated beauty of Anne Hathaway). I was let down when there were no thrilling hand touches like in Joe Wright films and the story of pride and prejudice was just thrown all up on the back of the headrest on my flight to London. A scene from the film, in which some woman (maybe Jane Austen) travelled on her lonesome (circa what 1800?) ironically unfolded very similarly for me with a Napoleanic Customs official upon arriving. Stupid bitch. I almost started a best selling series because of it.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. This one came in the form of Netflix and also features Kiera. Starting to yawn yet. No! cuz she is snarky in these. And this is adventure at its best. and I can almost follow all the plotlines on these pirates, except for this one. there are like 3 bad guys and someone who looks like calamari. It was good to televiserphonerkittynet to nonetheless.

Sexual Harassment! Yes Bitch!

2007-10-02T18:37:00.000-04:00

I own two sports trading cards: isaiah thomas and King Kong Bundy. I don't remember the circumstances for which they have come into my possession. But with todays news, I hope that my values are on the rise.

CYA : a way of life

2007-05-09T16:39:00.000-04:00

In a very structured specialized meeting at work, it had been pointed out to me that I have a naive attitude regarding my acceptance of work-related covering-your-ass activities. (Ie. lists of grievances and job-logging, and blind carbon copying supervisors) Every job has it. Get used to it. Really? I mean sure bullshit happens, but this is what going postal is all about. I think its a scale thing- you know working in a big place like G00gle, Wa1mart or a certain educational venue. Should I move to France?

my blog saw the light

2007-03-08T10:32:00.000-05:00

I had resigned to the fact that my blog email account had been dissolved by yahoo and that ALL my blog entries too had disappeared. I keep having difficulty logging in and figured I should accept this natural circumstance be the death of officewizland. I thought of some sort of ceremonial comment I could make to the last post (as the only way to access) the tomb. Of course, I was there to say something magnificently witty which has also passed. A moment after the grief, I considered it God's way of saying to use this new availability of time to finally learn how to knit.

Then today in an effort to avert my massive load of work, I thought I would give it another try. This time I logged in and saw all 181 previous posts and had a renewed sense of opportunity. I am going to travel the world and share what I see! Read the newspaper and learn whats going on in those "Israeli countries" (a quote see), and respond! Collect the world wide web's greatest examples of animated kitty gifs! The internet is my oyster!

this post for some reason is drudging up old memories of a commodore 64 interactive fiction game Aztec Tomb.

oscar, emmy, academy what have you

2007-02-25T20:27:00.000-05:00

If the gentlemen actor featured in the new Verizon V-cast commercial working out to Fall Out B0y is NOT a meathead in real life, he thoroughly deserves an award.

they don't make em' like they used to

2007-02-07T12:22:00.000-05:00

Little girls that is...

Pretty interesting:Easy bake oven timeline

similar to the model I had:

My brother and I would put popcorn kernels or bread in the little metal pan and push it through with the little plastic wand (incidentally getting a case of Toastaphobia). Inevitably whatever we put in there would get stuck. Of course we were always using it without supervision which was STRICTLY prohibited. We were less concerned of the possible gas fire that we thought could happen, and more worried about what would happen when mom got home from Westinghouse wondering what smelled like burning.

global warning

2007-02-05T10:39:00.000-05:00

I don't know why so many people refuse the idea of global warming.

I think one scientific approach would be to take a tip from Rich Hall, and blivet the polar ice caps.

Ajax was here

2007-01-23T10:45:00.000-05:00

"Chemicals fish mistake for estrogen"

listen tomorrow here

what I used to do to EVERY photo in the TV guide

2007-01-18T16:31:00.000-05:00

but this is natural.

its all windows to me.

2007-01-17T21:46:00.000-05:00

I have been doing some computer-research way above my head and found this. I love dorks!

think of it as a magnifying glass that you can talk to and listen to music

2007-01-12T09:38:00.000-05:00

I was in the Apple store a couple of days ago I watched the trailer for the new beautiful iphone. One of the geniuses told me it would be out in June with service by ¢ingular. No price tag that I can find...

I was blown away by the features. ip0d and phone were good enough for a c student like myself. but it does some crazy shit. I told the genius, "I can just see the writers of CSI working this little gadget in."

Return to hot pocket.

2006-12-21T10:12:00.000-05:00

I am not so sure I can nonchalantly trample back through the tall grass to log in (especially with all that dual login doodoo), and just start posting willy nilly as if I had not skipped town on the boat to Freelance City, Homowner Island, and Sleepfield.

Well now that Freelance City has sunk into the ocean, I really can't afford to spend alot of money in Homowner Island. That leaves me with a lot of holidaying in Sleepfield, which makes me think I can turn this blog into a dream diary. Everyone loves those right?

they did it.

2006-11-27T18:35:00.000-05:00

Finally.

Rivalling those paternal DNA testing billboards: From Here to Paternity

2006-11-14T14:20:00.000-05:00

trends in heroes

2006-09-29T09:22:00.000-04:00

Why are all my favorite comediennes taking on domestic arts books?

can I log in around here?

2006-09-13T10:13:00.000-04:00

a reason to blog. hoorah. I was really hoping to make it to my first primary elections for that reason. Especially since J. Owens bothered to try and add me as a friend on myspace. Have you got that kind of campaign attention recently? When you can't calmly talk about Schaeffer with your family, you know you're deeply rooted in Baltimore.

Unleashed

2006-07-17T10:35:00.000-04:00

When Mr. Bush visited the Russian president’s dacha outside Moscow, Mr. Putin’s Labrador bounded out to greet them. Comparing his dog to Mr. Bush’s smaller Scottish terrier, Mr. Putin turned to Mr. Bush and said, “Bigger, tougher, stronger, faster, meaner — than Barney,” Mr. Bush’s dog. Mr. Bush’s aides say they take the tale as a mark of a friendship strengthened by a little needling. But Russian policy analysts said they heard a different message in the story when Mr. Putin told it to them.

read here

a brief history of tshirts

2006-07-07T13:09:00.000-04:00

Recently, I purchased the shirt below, entirely oblivious to its association with 9/11. Its kind of like one of those magic pictures where sometimes when I look at it I see nothing to do with 9/11. and then I look at it and I can see the ironic bratty little anti-patriotic apathetic brooklyn hipsters.

well I wore it anyway, and got a taste of that old-fashion embarrasSment a-la up the stairs in a skirt too short. I was behind 5 firefighters in Matthew's pizza and kept crossing my arms and holding my purse in front of me like a cardboard flyer.

here's the latest urge:

secret hotel

2006-07-06T11:15:00.000-04:00

been catching up on my utter lack of north korean culture and history. Found this interesting, odd, sad, well-written photo essay:

beeswax bologna

2006-06-22T19:52:00.000-04:00

Still working on highering my efficiency. I've decided to give this old white dude credit for making the words paradigm, emotional bank account, and codependency household labels.

In other household news I have a wasp or hornet nest. It looks like an old tamale. According to my internet research I am s'posed to go at it at night when they are all home spritzing it with Wasp and Hornet Killer. It also recommends overalls. Somewhere I remember learning that the more you get stung by a bee, the less resistent you are too their sting until it can kill you. Does that only pertain to killer African bees?

wait til I get my seven habits on you.

2006-06-07T23:23:00.000-04:00

I got a hold of an incomplete audio book of Stephen Covey's top-selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I am really trying to get through the whole thing before I launch into all the millions of scathing reviews I can imagine exist on this book. So far, on chapter 3, (don't have chapter 2), my impressions are:

1. he is one of those speakers who put an "h" before their "w"'s. Both impressive and annoying.
2. he's all over the place with his models, examples, and metaphors. Maybe it's just cause I am driving in rush hour traffic.
3. This stuff only applied in the 80s.

stay tuned for a highly enlightened effective synergized newly-paradigmed view.

L0sT

2006-05-25T14:14:00.000-04:00

are there cliff notes for this show???

status 12

2006-05-17T11:48:00.000-04:00

I had a very pleasant conversation with the IRS this morning. The check they sent me was not a mistake, because I have filled my obligation to my uncle sam from back in 2004. Thanks to installments and estimated payments in 2005, and a highly-skilled and highly-payed accountant. I am now in the category of Status 12-- where the rest of yall non-debt govment-owing slacks be. I dunno where I was before. Maybe I was on the list where they were watching my phone calls.

All of it reminds me of this movie that I watched for the first time ever. I had the privelage of watching it with a person who hadn't already been spoiled by the overspoken ending. She indeed figured it out ahead of time. I seem to be alone in thinking that a remake of this movie could be very intriguing. I am of the belief that we should leave the Jane Austen movies behind because people never change really. I would love to see Jeff Goldblum (the new Mr. Heston) on a cell phone, and the exchange actually doing research on the interweb. It might also be nice to see that women could be regarded in an even more dismissive manner then furniture too, that might be nice.

its official. macs suck less.

2006-05-01T23:44:00.000-04:00

so I found this website (no idea about its validity) breaking down just how much your computer is gonna runs up yer BGE$ this long hot summer, down to the busting open of multiple girls g0ne wi1d photos. Its gonna cost you. Better savor one by printing it out and look at it by candlelight while an illegal immigrant fans you in the dark.

I am getting a little sick of all this expensive house business and constant splinters.

bleeding ho

2006-04-27T23:49:00.000-04:00

If there was ever a habit of visiting my blog, routine has died I'm sure.

Im not proud to report it, but I went to walmart and got into a cranky dispute with the cashier. It ended in her bleeding on my poorly packaged carpet scraper. Trust me in saying, she really deserved it. Back before I sat on my butt I helped people ALOT.I know it sounds righteous, but I spent so many dreadful moments for a customer, and if I didn't I would be really polite in bullshitting my way out of it. Such as the days when I used to 'bleed orange' at the H0me Dep0t. It was one of the best paying retail jobs I ever had and it was kind of a rigorous test to get a job there, requiring a Southwest airlines shit-eating grin mentality and the ability to state that I would NEVER EVER even if my life depended on it, would I ever...steal a pen. My high school tennis partner's dad managed the store: home nepotism.

So while I was there I graduated from cashier college and listened to tons of people volunteer their weekend warrior DIY sagas and I sincerely did not give a shit. I had no idea what I scanned for the long 10 hour shifts except for galvanized things and lumber (as we were told that contractors liked to target young ladies lines in hopes of walking away with some spending dough).

There was a time I was not the diligent worker that I have made myself out to be. One time there was the funnest party of my life. Old high school friends were home from college and we partied throughout the entire night in matching recreation soccer gear until that dreadful 6 a.m. rolled around and I needed to be at work. By 9 a.m., it had occurred to me that I was counting out money like hours, having some serious disconnect when I saw change higher then 12. I am sure someone had a righteous customer service moment with me that saturday.

something I forgot about myself

2006-03-28T23:37:00.000-05:00

I like to play house. I start from scratch and buy a sword. then I buy a better sword. Then I buy a shield. Then I get a hammer. Then I can stab down with my sword.

When my brother and I were young we would line up all the furniture and gijoes (they fit almost perfectly in my dollhouse) for selection. He would mock all my first draft GIJoe picks and I smartly retorted that they were HIS toys. We would spend what seemed like eternity decorating the dollhouse. When all the furniture was just where I wanted it. My brother got to kill off each of the GI Joes I selected and we were done.

So all of the settlement hangups don't deserve details, suffice it to say I am in my new house. I am getting accustomed to the silence and sound of birds in the a.m. freaky. I am very aware of the absence of firetrucks and "Welcome aboard MTAs". Playing house for a month until I select a housemate...that I won't kill. I promise.

Back to the Lake

2006-03-08T14:22:00.000-05:00

Returning soon to a theatre near you, featuring Reese W1therspoon. This poster rocks! This movie was weird! It came on regular tv one day and I watched part of it, and imagined it was the Twin Peaks of its time

get name

2006-03-07T17:19:00.000-05:00

For at lEASt 5 years I have been trying to remember the name of this game I received from my sister one year for Christmas. It was during the bratty tween years where gifts bore or baby. This one was a real winner. I retreated to my bedroom immediately to travel the universe in 64 bits.

For years every time I knew I was coming close to the name of the game, "Rick Santorum" would get in the way. It just popped into my head just now while typing a print estimate. For no reason- "Tracers Sanction".

My myspace friend Tom was in Vanity Fair!

2006-03-01T13:14:00.000-05:00

Vanity Fair this month was like a printed extension of MySpace. Ubiquitous and unable to break away from. salon breaks it down feministically.

The Pink, Pink, Lady Of Malibu

2006-02-24T14:28:00.000-05:00

Before there was American Idol, there were song-poems.

Before I had a full-time job that I love, I had a full-time job that I hated. When I was feeling particularly jaded in my job, I spent entire days downloading the ENTIRE collection and playing and archiving them and imagining that I could write bad songs. I see on metafilter that there is a movie now.

go sno blow yourself

2006-02-14T15:13:00.000-05:00

Its been a long time since I have had to travel outside the city (or my home) on snowy days. Sunday worked out to be okay. A mellow soft quiet calm plow out for mondays a.m. delayed schedule.

Monday getting home didn't work out so well. After a quick visit to the realtors, it occurred to me that any unclaimed chair spots would be full at that hour. I decided to park in an illegal spot figuring that some sources have been calling this a blizzard. Bad idea. I got stuck just backing in.

I went in for a moment to just be away from snow and car. I returned with my shovel to ease the delivery of my vehicle into place. It had now become hard tough dirty ice from all the people driving up the street spitting it out and then packing it down. An SUV pulled slowly up to me and my running car. I should say I was already quietly raging at my own physical incompetance against this surprising state of snow. I blurted out "Get lost!". I actually said "get lost"! loudly too. I was immediately embarrassed by my own hot fury staring at the couple inside who I thought was trying to grab my space who began to appear like they were going to give me a hand until I indicated otherwise. Couples don't help. they want to get a soda at Royal Farms and go home and watch tv. Philanthropic people are independent.

Minutes later as I begin to enjoy savagely tearing into ice and snow, a gentleman approaches by foot, "you straight?". "I'm straight." I mean I was. I was going to town. I soo genuinely appreciated this approach though- offering up some assistance without making me feel helpless. On his way back out of the RoFo, he told me I looked like a guy the way that I was shovelling. I was hurling huge rocks of ice over my shoulder hoping to hit someone. Then I busted myself in the face with the shovel.

Thank goodness my roomate pulled up at that instant as the emotional, independent, physical exhaustion began to take over. She told me she gladly had a fireman help her from her spot with a couple tips that she shared with me.

Sotu Mountain

2006-02-06T21:53:00.000-05:00

The only part of the State of the Union Address I caught included the line about being addicted to oil. Whats with cowboys inability to quit shit?

inspection

2006-02-02T22:38:00.000-05:00

I may have spoke to soon when I used the word "bought" in reference to a house. In doing so, I have jinxed it. Instead of writing about how bummed this is and could turn out to be, I will link to my first ever podcast listening-- episode 8 of the Ricky Gervais show. If there was ever a reason on this earth to use weed in my life, it would need to include an opportunity to share a laugh with this brilliant laughing chap.

Last week I was going to get a perm

2006-01-31T14:34:00.000-05:00

but I couldn't decide if I wanted to go to my trusty stylist who doesn't think its a good idea but wanted to "experiment", or the elderly urban stylist in midtown who does them everyday. While I was accessing the merits of the two, I bought a house.

I didn't plan to. I mean I was taking the number one form of advice, that being- take your time. I was in no hurry. Just looking. Enrolled at the end of the month in a first time buyers program. All the good painful slow stuff. Then there it was: a 10 point beauty.

Second major piece of advice was to get a handy person (guy) to go to my inspection with me. I don't know handy people. Along with hiring an inspector, you should have the option to hire an "objective handy advisor".

Thats all until then. Lets hope if the roof caves in, I incur minor damages enough to afford my closing costs, and thats it.

google goggles

2006-01-27T10:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterdays email included about four exchanges regarding rocknroll communiy yoga at Midt0wn. Don't get me started. By the days end, I noticed my google headline ticker offered an ad for:
"Authentic yoga wear - www.shareyoga.com - Inspire your practice with unique, q...".

I refreshed the page a few times, and another about yoga mat discounts, then another one about lucy's yoga. Then one about Warrantys, which had been another exchange I had. I was tempted to start dialogues about some really obscure topics to test it. Ultimately, it doesn't feel like someone is reading my mail. It does seem like there is some code that reads like, "where dumbass types x, run x ad". I don't really care about that. Should I?

Alabaster crashes d0wn (s1x months is a long time?)

2006-01-12T23:26:00.000-05:00

Not since my beloved ford e$$cort, have I really cruised listening to the Smiths. I had it banned from my ears as bad pathetic self-loathing break-up music for my 90s. but the ban has been lifted, and I find quite coincidentally, that I am travelling along the same Rolling Road(it never changes) thinking the same things as I once did 8 years ago when I hear words about a heartless hand on my shoulder.

My first boyfriend was O-B-sessed with the band and introduced me to the music--making my first ever "jimmy tape". He painstakingly pulled nearly all of "l0uder than bombs" with some smatterings of his special faves. His tape-recording craft was impecable. Only one song was cut off, and later I would attribute special soar heart-felt meaning to it. When I hear the song now I anticipate the cut off and stopping sound of what I know to be the end, but now it keeps going. I guess I could make some sort of anecdote for that. The song was "Let the right one in".

He also began a very frustrating habit of reciting certain lyrics, just in fascination and identifcation. I would scramble to uncover their meanings as if it was a code. hmmm..."nature is a language can't you read". thats gotta mean something.

I guess when you are 20 you assign everything a meaning thats why love hurts like a big bitchy morrissey. I really think we could have conducted our whole break-up in Smith lyrics alone. I wish we would have. Thats the way a first romance should be. bitter and melodramatic.

king konky dory

2006-01-12T23:06:00.000-05:00

so I love my new job. I am afraid to say it, but I do. I have made habits of looking on the bright side too much. Like that whole bit about hearing my footsteps stuff...well its because I am wearing dress shoes I figured out. When I am home I am slumming it in my $15 converse bobos. soundless. the way mother nature intended us to be when we walk for survival in the woods and jungles. heeless. Clacking around every hallway is going to get me hunted down. or maybe I have too much King Kong on the brain.

The other thing that I am being ms. brightside about is the trek out of the city. Its a great way to let the bags slowly shake out from under my eyes when I am driving to work. AND, it allows me to be reminded of how beautiful the city is on my way back in. what is it thats making me so shit-eating grin happy or however they say? I'm worried.

first week impressions

2006-01-08T23:18:00.000-05:00

So all my first day mania of different impressions have began to die down. I am slowly becoming acquainted to my new job description and environs. My misleadingly large (and temporary until new space cube) office had me whirling as to what I was exactly supposed to do in there. The only books on the shelves were a really old edition of Elements of Writing Style and Design in the Electronic Age with a clip art illustration of some Rennaissance peeps working on a desktop computer.

One thing that continues to bother me is the commute out of the city. I have always felt compelled to work close-by. I mean its the city right? brimming with activity and industry thats why I chose to live here. So for now I will have to focus on the quiet retreat it lends. When I walk outside I can hear my footsteps. Here, between the Young Unwed Mothers Agressive Debate Club late everynight and the firehouse up the street, my mind is swimming with my own thoughts and the sounds of trouble all around me. Those moments at work even just walking to the cafeteria where my pace is the only metronome for my thoughts for what feels like a good mile away. Pretty nice.

I've also had a 75% cutback on obsessive financial hysteria. What an interrupting cow to my thoughts that was! This is just the first week--when I am sitting home on a paid holiday, I am sure I will have a lot more things to say about Senor 9-5.

first day on the jarb you find:

2006-01-03T22:11:00.000-05:00

While heading to Panera bread in the backseat of my new coworkers car, surrounded by countless Simply Red cds, I heard the song on the radio that couldn't have acted on me more in an 80's y6acht rock sense.

I must have relayed 20 times today to all the nice people who asked about my first day-- routine is the key to all my comments. My previous routine was chaos, the consistent routine of drama. now 8 am and conversations about weight watchers. the only conversations I had before were on im about photos, flickr, css, or the occassional ball $having debate.

I am looking forward to sleep right now. Thats what I will think about tomorrow should I have another Bruce Hornsby moment, or even just a memory of that keyboard flourish.

last rituals

2006-01-02T20:22:00.001-05:00

Today I had an amalgamation of all my freelance day activities-- Playstation, flickr, elimidate, guitar, and dishwashing. To switch it up, I decided to take a drive even though it was crappy out. It reminded me of an article in Harpers about prison inmates last meals. Heres a sample. dramatic comparision, I know. I am arbitrarily whiny about my great new job, but mostly cause I can't pinpoint whatso upsetting bout it. ps. I had the catfish with lemon risotto and some gingersnaps and a tylenol p.m.

the true meaning of shizzlnas

2005-12-23T16:26:00.000-05:00

bailys irish eggnog

Countdown to Shackles:American Dream water torture

2005-12-16T02:19:00.000-05:00

For the last days of December I have about 32 hours of work to do on my own time give or take. I thought I would use this time to travel my restless bones before committing to my new spirit-breaking full-time job with great benefits in the new year. Travelling is proving to be impossible. It began as a cross country road trip that fell in my lap for 10 seconds then vanished. Now with various spattered obligations, it provides the rest of the month to agonize in self-pity. Today might have been a trip to nyc to stay with a friend, but the freeze really put the brakes on my late start (excuses?). At some point this all should translate as opportunities to buy nicer gifts for my loved ones but I know my gift of happiness to myself is the greatest gift I can give them. Besides, next years long hours easy money will provide.

So I hop on airtran to check out some of the fees I see on a billboard coming in on 295, and find some great deals to West Palm Springs, Sarasota, Ft Lauderdale, Bahamas(not so great a deal). Deals that naturally expire this evening, forcing me to investigate hotels and blah blah blah. I find the perfect 4 day webspecial and get my webcart ready. Meanwhile in tab #2, I find that the weather in every part of Florida is shitty too. Not freezing but still rain.

I turn to my last webdeals option- texas. Houston. I return to tab#2 to find that there is rain and cloudiness there as well. I close all windows.

I accept its raining and shitty everywhere. Even in the blue water bahamas. My shower stall is even brimming with clogged water. It seems as though I may be prematurely beaten down by the man. Road trip to Royal Farms won't stop me!

"Turtle Soup"

2005-12-11T21:42:00.000-05:00

So I like comedy. I went to see one of my favorite comedians perform in DC this weekend. My ma bought me his record last xmas. I listened once. I got the jokes. they were funny and unforgettable. Hence not listening again. Seeing him this time, we got the same jokes. I wanted to laugh for him. I did, because we were in the second row but I wanted to laugh for me.

Unless a bear is slapping a woman on a low budget program or a woman falls out of a bucket while stomping on grapes, or a skiier tumbles longways down the side of a mountain, or a bunch of monkeys is playing on tv and Jerri Blank is laughing, or some men on Reno 911 perform some dance steps during a routine sobriety check, I cannot expect myself to laugh more than twice at a joke. (the previous examples have failed to exhaust my funny bone)

back in the cassette age, I owned a copy of Richard Pryor live. That record I could drive around and listen too, and not laugh, but be entertained until the joke about "...turtle soup", and when he got to those words I would laugh.

correction: there were a couple jokes at the improv that got me. see the website for the "oh you'd be surprised" bit.

Find the bands

2005-12-05T12:09:00.000-05:00

view bigger

Games magazine used to feature image quizes like this.

baby steps to blowing my mind.

2005-11-28T22:09:00.000-05:00

I fell asleep reading an article that began, "SCIENTISTS HAVE CREATED THE FIRST MOLECULE THAT CAN MOVE IN A STRAIGHT LINE BY ITSELF ON A FLAT SURFACE BY MIMICKING HOW A PERSON WALKS" (this link only takes you to the google search of a Sci Am subscribers site, which I haven't bothered to do but you can still witness some of it.)

I kept thinking that I must not have been fully comprehending what it was trying to say because its just totally nuts. Shoot me in the head and call me an old woman because I can't deal with the reality that the molecules in my body can just walk off the job if they eventually learn to "mimick the way a person talks".

so in other walking news, but not really, just not wanting to post twice having not posted for a while-- I have been looking at some old family slides. It is blowing my mind that after thirty years of witnessing my own cute toddlertude on the wall, that I am now at the age my parents were in these pics! And while my mom was more fit than I am (after already having popped out 4 kids!) I am much more young for my age than she was. She wasn't blogging, taking retarded pictures for selfportaittuesday, and drinking alot of beajolais noveau (sp). umm.

I began thinking how the family needs have gotten so amped for much fewer kids. We had an old woodie stationwagon for a while. But we also had a VW bug, and old brown chevette, a Datsun, and a Chevy Eurosport. With the exception of our stationwagon our family never remotely owned anything SUVish. Friends I have now who are anticipating kids or have them all have Jeep Wranglers, subarus, or are trading in two-doors certainly, but sometimes sedans for hugely roomy cars as if its impossible otherwise. I guess once you have 5 kids, you can never afford to take the whole family anywhere. Don't kidseats fit in cars?

my daily bread

2005-11-22T00:50:00.000-05:00

I have been getting my hands on a lot of cable tv. Predominantly the food network where I caught some friends in a halloween cake contest. Pretty dogonne awesome. It followed by a chocolate sculpture contest. I wasn't aware of the built-in action/suspense of moving food. Then I got sucked into the 1990 phenomenon that is so over: Iron chef. That floored me. I want to podcast this channel. I will have to check up on it. In my moment of cable tv fantasy I pictured myself against this asian cooking king and it just so happens that the magic ingredient is spinach (my specialty). He manages to make some paltry seaweed sushi wrap from it and a couple other exotic uses, but I stick with the basics: salad, sammich, stirfry, pie, burger (haven't tried this one yet).

Baltimore's Best-Written Critic's Pick:

2005-11-15T16:01:00.000-05:00

Baltimore Flickr Exhibit and Opening

the financial speculum

2005-11-10T17:26:00.000-05:00

We can't make any amendents. See he's not able to show you tricks.

Let me break down the 2004 penalties for you again, since I know you're a math genius.

You could've saved a lot of income tax by buying a house.

You play tennis? I can probably kick your ass.
[takes an urgent call from wife about kids soccer practice]

I like my free time [By which I meant I like autonomy.]

Are you TRYING to get any new work?

[wrapping up]
Maybe you'll find a rich husband

I prefer the lottery.

[shaking hands, concluding the visit is free cuz:]
I like you, maybe its cause you play tennis

[in my head:]
I like you too, cause you're an asshole.

And I really do. I left feeling financially flushed and rejuvinated to spank the pavement hard! I need that kind of brutal coaching. Its true, I'm not a math genius. When he starts explaining the figures to me, I look at it and my brain just goes wack until he shuts up and I nod. I have noo patience. I have taxlexia!

insanequest

2005-11-09T18:19:00.000-05:00

a.9 maps

I haven't looked at this site for more than 20 seconds, yet I know its something I needed to post about. This is photo insanity. Not where I intend to venture.

it reminds me of the wonderful old commodore game Amnesia.

its clobbering time

2005-11-02T22:39:00.000-05:00

I am a free agent. I switch teams(/sports) on MY terms. Its clear that I am a nonvital fairweather football player now. I got a call last Saturday requesting my presence in the threat of a forfeit($75 team penalty). "you can leave after the game starts" was my high sign. Even my mom told me to get some skin if I was gonna play with these pups. sheesh.

When I had an opportunity to join a less than JV volleyball league near me I jumped at the chance. That brings my winter league totals to over $100 not counting indoor tennis. Its cheaper and healthier than drinking right? I have devoted more than half of my free time to these team related sports. I imagined the winter would be a cold solitary photo-taking/music-playing tortured artist existence. But I guess this is really what I need. I haven't let myself dissect it.

So we got pretty crushed on our first night. s'okay, they were the best team. I thought I would impart some court wisdom. Especially since one of my largest site draws is "kickball strategy" (sorry you've come to the wrong place).

1. If you fear that you aren't able to make the play thats about to happen, (in any sense of a sport)just do SOMEthing. Flinching and standing still gives you much worse cred that hitting a ball with your boob that then hits you in the face.

2. Two is better than none. Don't try to perform a 'number 1' by saying that you thought someone else had a play. clunk heads like coconuts if necessary. again its about the cred.

by 5(where'd the cent sign go?), I really mean $50

2005-10-27T18:14:00.000-04:00

La la la la LaLa.

2005-10-26T14:45:00.000-04:00

When was the last time you said wow when you were listening to new music? (sounds like spam doesn't it?)

Sure, of course I said it when the Darkness came along--and I was right! Then I said it with Bloc Party, Tom Veck, and Art Brut shortly behind, but wow was not right. More like rewow. Here it goes again (via salon.com). The Nervous Cabaret website has some FREE downloads too.

Attack of the nerds

2005-10-20T21:38:00.000-04:00

Apparently there was a hack at the alternative weekly website.

I didn't see this. I don't know what it entails (to be hacked), but I do know that the disturbing replacement image has a very bizarrehistory. Courtesy goes to the ever-sleuthing exroomate boyfriend.

Excellence in classic cultural reinterpretation

2005-10-16T20:20:00.000-04:00

Heard this weekend on npr: The Shining redux, "...a heartwarming story about a family's journey of self-discovery".

From the roomate: Yacht Rock, an inside look at the music making behind Kenny Loggins, smooth rock loyalty, and Caddyshack.

Andditonal link:
From CP staff: Warning your newly installed software just gave you breast cancer

blogblues

2005-10-11T23:19:00.000-04:00

A few things have got me in blogblues besides the fact that I am freelance full throttle.

First, the news since I have had my blog has seemed like a T.C.Boyle novel about the future we will suffer through. It makes it hard to enjoy writing about my average entry bout trivial crap. I could really expound upon this point. but I get the feeling its going on blogwide, if I could catch up in blogland.

Second, the blog spamming is really a downer. I don't get a lot of feedback but nothing seems more depressing than a comment from "gas tips". It makes all my efforts seem exceptionally transparent. and it feels like trespassing! Stop it. anyone know how? Aside from turning off comments.

Lastly, I had a vision of a future third grade assignment that went something like this:
Go home and hop onto the googleweb and research dead relatives blogs for some information about your familys history.

eery. got me a new camera. a loner. a rebel. stay tuned.

Colonel Panic

2005-10-03T02:19:00.000-04:00

Friday I made an online appointment at the Apple store, that had me booked in 1/2 hour-hardly enough time to speed up charles and fight for a spot at the TTC. I took a seat at the genius bar among 2 other gentleman eager to unload their CPU problems on me. I never so much wished I owned an ipod. I began opening my sad lappyG4 when genius #1 asked me if I had made an appointment. I told him I did. I waited as the white technology began to woo me and make me sick all at the same time.

I am not able to articulate problems with my car or computer like callers from Car Talk. I think it often leads to misdiagnoses for me and my stuff. I explained to the genius I was working with that I had a "stream of black squares and strings of commands and I thought it was my video card". (I didn't really think it was that, but I ran it by someone else who did--another tactic I use at the mechanic, suggestions so they think I am more informed than I am.)

Genius told me that I was getting what is known as kernel panic. He showed me how to check this in my console. Its like a blackbox for system crashes, you know the kind you aren't supposed to have in system 10? Of course, all I see is the complete text that runs down my screen minus all the little black squares, so that I still feel like I am translating some code that might come from an episode of Lost. Genius 1 and 2 ran some disk and concurred that this must be the cause of a display I was using and not to use it anymore. That was the 2 hour solution.

They also informed me that the cosmetic damage from dropping it some 8 months ago (with no other signs of damage), has most likely rendered not under warranty anymore. applecare doesn't get my endorsement.

Finally I was going to tie this boring computer story with an interview experience I had last week in which I choked. Choked like gullet-blocking huge chunk of mozzarella. the good authentic white imported italian stuff. whatever right?

Never too late

2005-09-28T18:12:00.000-04:00

what a wonderful, brilliant, inspiring, enviable profile.

Written for even the stupidest of horses

2005-09-25T21:22:00.000-04:00

authentic charcoal with photoshop magic and internet barn and farmhouse

I was going to start the post with some comments on the big buckarooni digital cameras I held this weekend at Service Photo. I was going to include the 360 degree image of the one I want handsdown over the rest, but I took a look at my last few posts and feel that I should speculate elsewheres for a moment. Even if I have more tales (and tshirts in the making) for the deleteme group.

I got around to reading Animal Farm, oh, about 12 years after I wanted to. It makes me so mad that I wait to read these classics and miss ages of references and ideas and great characters like the one that inspired me to do this nerdy charcoal drawing. Can I get paid to be a ninth grade english student?

uh

2005-09-21T23:06:00.000-04:00

look at that beautiful navigation.

Hampdenfest makes frequent taggage!

Deleteme group=flickr equivalent of American Idol

see the photo here.

photographic leaps and bounds

2005-09-21T02:15:00.000-04:00

BOB photo IMO photo by Frank Klein.
runner up photo.

I cannot begin to catch up on the photo news in flickr and real life. I am presently in the midst of gettting quickly cut down to size in the Deleteme group. Brutal comments. I love them. However it is on my strongest photo. but what the hey- it scored me 100 extra views.

Last night I met a couple of professional photographers who showed me some keen tricks with my digital, but none of them wanted anything to do with flickr. This was disappointing to me. This weekend when I was in the bookstore, I was cruising the magazines and I stopped to look at a photo mag, and realized that pretentious technical bullshit isn't exciting. Its actually the tool itself, the massive size, and the organization that have all breathed life back into photography for me again in a most obsessive form.

sick competition

2005-09-18T14:18:00.000-04:00

Fall football is back in swing with a team that has doubled in size. I began the season regreeting all the old members and trying to calm some of the new female players with funny stories at my athletic expense. That was not a good idea. It made it seem like I wasn't trying when I got dusted 2x for a touchdown by a girl with an evident sports injury. I am a firm believer that confidence and taking yourself seriously in sports is essential. I can tell thats where I am different from my teammates and why I will quickly advance as the reputation of third-string-veteran-sister-of-the-captain player. It is also why people who aren't as good at me in tennis win. Its not that I am not competitive. I hate losing. I hate being serious. I'm not sure what the season holds or if I will hold out.

Here is an email from of our new star division 1 Basketball/soccer and rugby player before the season began addressed to the QB ad the whole team:

Gimme some background -
new gender plays makes the girls crucial - do we split time or are we trying to win?
My Sobo team is die hard - so give me some background - so i can get on the [team name's] page!
[Team Captain] - ill pass on the email to [another new division 1 track and basketball player with hightop cleats] - she's pretty sick athlete so we stoked!

another case of the mistaken identity

2005-09-07T22:27:00.000-04:00

I am listening to a radio show on KCRW when I should be packing, about Michael Penn, who in my mind has shared the same little honeycomb of an information cell block as Michael W. Smith- and wrongfully so. He is an excellent songwriter that reminds me of George Harrison. He also scored the Comedians of Comedy. bonus points. Thats when this book came rushing back to me.

Anyway. Michael W. Smith is also a musician(Christian) who thrived largely in the 80's, but at some point fell hard to drugs,sex, sin, and even rock and roll. This made him a good candidate to write a book for teens. Or so my mom thought so. I read this and reread this for a good couple weeks. I would read it at the kitchen table and just put it in front of my face so that my family couldn't read my expression from the sometimes overboard descriptions he went on in discouraging young readers from becoming sex-addicted drug-users.