*the true meaning of shizzlnas*

bailys irish eggnog

Countdown to Shackles:American Dream water torture

For the last days of December I have about 32 hours of work to do on my own time give or take. I thought I would use this time to travel my restless bones before committing to my new spirit-breaking full-time job with great benefits in the new year. Travelling is proving to be impossible. It began as a cross country road trip that fell in my lap for 10 seconds then vanished. Now with various spattered obligations, it provides the rest of the month to agonize in self-pity. Today might have been a trip to nyc to stay with a friend, but the freeze really put the brakes on my late start (excuses?). At some point this all should translate as opportunities to buy nicer gifts for my loved ones but I know my gift of happiness to myself is the greatest gift I can give them. Besides, next years long hours easy money will provide.

So I hop on airtran to check out some of the fees I see on a billboard coming in on 295, and find some great deals to West Palm Springs, Sarasota, Ft Lauderdale, Bahamas(not so great a deal). Deals that naturally expire this evening, forcing me to investigate hotels and blah blah blah. I find the perfect 4 day webspecial and get my webcart ready. Meanwhile in tab #2, I find that the weather in every part of Florida is shitty too. Not freezing but still rain.

I turn to my last webdeals option- texas. Houston. I return to tab#2 to find that there is rain and cloudiness there as well. I close all windows.

I accept its raining and shitty everywhere. Even in the blue water bahamas. My shower stall is even brimming with clogged water. It seems as though I may be prematurely beaten down by the man. Road trip to Royal Farms won't stop me!

"Turtle Soup"

So I like comedy. I went to see one of my favorite comedians perform in DC this weekend. My ma bought me his record last xmas. I listened once. I got the jokes. they were funny and unforgettable. Hence not listening again. Seeing him this time, we got the same jokes. I wanted to laugh for him. I did, because we were in the second row but I wanted to laugh for me.

Unless a bear is slapping a woman on a low budget program or a woman falls out of a bucket while stomping on grapes, or a skiier tumbles longways down the side of a mountain, or a bunch of monkeys is playing on tv and Jerri Blank is laughing, or some men on Reno 911 perform some dance steps during a routine sobriety check, I cannot expect myself to laugh more than twice at a joke. (the previous examples have failed to exhaust my funny bone)

back in the cassette age, I owned a copy of Richard Pryor live. That record I could drive around and listen too, and not laugh, but be entertained until the joke about "...turtle soup", and when he got to those words I would laugh.

correction: there were a couple jokes at the improv that got me. see the website for the "oh you'd be surprised" bit.

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Games magazine used to feature image quizes like this.